deluge…

TEAR

All is quiet. The sadness as usual; soft and persistent as the sound of a cooling fan. Sadness. Tension. Absence. He wanders around the house looking for anything to distract his thoughts. He stands at the kitchen counter. Then opens the fridge. He needs whisky to calm his nerves. He opts for Scottish finest his friends brought over last weekend. He doesn’t pick a glass. Today he is going to gobble it all from the bottle. It doesn’t matter, or should it? Nothing really matters now; after all, he lost her. He can as well be.

He reaches for the sofa but is distracted at the bookshelf at the entrance to his living room. What would have been their living room. She loved reading. She still does. She insisted that they have an organized book shelf. An intelligent, ardent reader. A woman she had hoped carries the uterus that will house his children as one writer comically puts it.  She did the arrangement every time she visited. She would also carry more books from the book store and arrange them in organized catalogues like it’s done in modern state of art libraries. The woman who once told him that the best surprise will be a good read preferably from an African author like Chimamanda Ngozi wrapped with a single rose coming with the package. Hahaha, that a gate away to Seychelles will be awesome but a nice read is equally awesome. Yes. That girl. Simple enough for him to fall in love with, naughty enough for him to keep desiring her and ambitious enough to keep him focused. A reader of diverse literary works. At a glance, you could see the titles on the spine of most books. From classic fiction, thrilling detectives, science fiction, history books to poetry. There was a title for each genre. She fancied reading Christian literature too. Actually, there was this particular one by John Piper that she had asked they read together.

He reached for that particular one…”Married to God” they had gone several chapters. “After every fought -night, we always went out for garden dates and studied a chapter and discussed the study questions. It  made us understand lots of issues and expectations that were far-fetched.” He had said

He opened it. The bookmark was a custom made and personalized with her picture. He reread the writings quickly. He knew the words inscribed in the bookmark by heart. He had asked a designer to get him that book mark for the girl. The woman who had robbed his heart; The woman with whom he had purposed to spend his life with as long as the Lord will. A woman whom he had vowed to protect and made it clear that any man who will try to rob him of her heart will have to suffer every torment and pain jealous can inflict.

He had chosen his writings carefully,” Many daughters have done virtuously, but thou excellest them all”. This was a bookmark that came with the best-selling novel The Black Street Sisters. It was a gift during the Interantional Day of An African Child. His choice for the book was on point. She had totally fallen in love with it. He remembers the excitement she had after unwrapping the gift. Quickly reading the blurb, she knew she had to start it that night.

men

He stares at the pretty face of the girl in that book mark. She looks stunning in her afro. She did not wear any makeup. No eye shadow nor pencil either. Just some pale lipstic that gave her a feminine poise good enough to make a man bowl over. She was beautiful. Atleast in his world. A tear or two lingered on his eyes. He wouldn’t let it fall. He thinks an African man should not cry…that is unacceptable. But he had already broken that. The day he had proposed and she said yes, he had cried. So he let it fall. Just two drops and he dried them with the palm of his hands quickly. The next study of the book was something he looked forward to. The blessing of Children… How many do you want and what if none comes? He would have loved that engagement with her. But she is gone.

Wouldn’t it be nice…To share some love this Easter?

foundationTruth Explosion Centre, Githurai 45 it is.

Love is one of the most important things that human beings crave and long for whether young or old. There is a sense of security we have every time we are surrounded by people who love us. We are sure they will protect us, and take the bullet for us. Amazingly, even the youngest of children are able to experience this feelings even when they don’t actually comprehend it. They feel safe where they are loved and feel insecure whenever love is missing.

In Kenya today, most children have been left at the mercy of caretakers because of poverty and some even driven to adapt to the harsh condition of the streets life. When children feel safe and secure, they learn to trust other people. On the contrary, unsafe children are often anxious and unhappy which on the other hand affects their health and learning. But when they learn that they can trust the adults around them, it helps them grow up happy, healthy and to enjoy the world around them.

As Optiven Foundation, we are on the move and this Saturday, the 19TH March 2016, we are going down to Githurai 45. Truth Explosion Children Centre is our destination as we gear towards restoring hope and reassuring our siblings who haven’t had it easy in life. Our intent is to play, cook, mentor, encourage and remind our young ones that we love them, we pray with them and that God Loves them so much. Doing all this together with this precious pearls.

In light of this, we are appealing to the willing person to support us with donations in gifts and kind that together we can restore a smile to a child’s face. Food stuffs, clothes, beddings, books that suits the life of children from 2yr to 17 yrs.

By meeting with the children basic needs, we make them feel safe and how best can we do that other than showing that we love them?

All this children need is a stable home with a head and source of inspiration to mentor them. Others just need hand to hold them and tell them that all is going to be fine but in the worst case scenario, all they need is food to sustain them, a place to put their head under and a reassuring smile that we are walking with you.

In the spirit of celebration and awaiting the Easter celebrations, we choose not just to talk about the Easter bunnies but the same way Jesus, gave out Himself for us, through His death and Resurrection for us, so we choose to express the same to love to this beloved ones.

To partner with us, kindly reach us through 0718776033, Our Facebook page is Optiven Foundation, and on Twitter @optivenFDTN

 

Hope for a hurting Christian…in an incredibly hurting world

hurt

Hope for a hurting Christian…in an incredibly hurting world

In a world that is full of pain left right and center, it is so easy for a Christian to feel the pain slice through their life until there hope is shaken. Sometimes as a believer, there are painful encounters we walk through that leaves many people question the faith we subscribe too and in worst cases scenario cause one to begin to agonize over the very source of our hope and inspiration. But when all is said and done and we are hurting or those close to us are, does it mean that our standing with God is questionable? By all means no! Pain teaches as many things and actually, Paul in Corinthians encourages that we count it all joy when we face various kinds of trials as this will bring fourth perseverance, endurance which must finish its work that we may be mature in character.

I have been singing this famous local song whose second lyrics had such a profound meaning to my current situation.

You know…

“oooh usilie, wewe ni dhahabu, na dhahabu ikipita kwenye moto lazima itangaa tu

Dhahabu ni tofauti na jiwe,jiwe likipita litapasuka tuu”

And I was being encouraged that many are the tribulations of a righteous man but the Lord will deliver us in them all and just the reminder that the fire is only meant to make one shine more brightly.

The Spirit of the Sovereign LORD is upon me,  for the LORD has anointed me  to bring good news to the poor.He has sent me to comfort the brokenhearted  and to proclaim that captives will be released  and prisoners will be freed.*He has sent me to tell those who mourn  that the time of the LORD’s favor has come,*  and with it, the day of God’s anger against their enemies.To all who mourn in Israel,*  he will give a crown of beauty for ashes,a joyous blessing instead of mourning,  festive praise instead of despair. In their righteousness, they will be like great oaks  that the LORD has planted for his own glory.

VS 7: Instead of your shame you will receive a double portion,
and instead of disgrace you will rejoice in your inheritance.
And so you will inherit a double portion in your land, and everlasting joy will be yours.

Truthfully speaking, even in the hurting time, You are loved as a believer! God does love you! He sees your pain and weeps with you. That is why Isaiah the prophet says He has sent Me to comfort the brokenhearted and to announce that captives will be released and prisoners will be freed. He has sent Me to tell those who mourn that the time of the Lords favor has come, and with it, the day of Gods anger against their enemies. To all who mourn in Israel, He will give beauty for ashes, joy instead of mourning, praise instead of despair. For the Lord has planted them like strong and graceful oaks for His own glory (Isaiah 61:1-3)

So, yes there is hope for the hurting child of God, that actually, You are dearly loved of God, God is truly in control, Your prayers are heard, the story isn’t finished yet, there is a purpose for your pain and you are never alone in this!

You can start from scratch when you’ve lost it all…

hope-love-pretty-quotes-quote-Favim.com-606896You can start from scratch when you’ve lost it all…
Always say ‘yes’ to the present moment. What could be more futile, more insane, than to create inner resistance to what already is? what could be more insane than to oppose life itself, which is now and always now? Surrender to what is. Say ‘yes’ to life — and see how life suddenly starts working for you rather than against you.” ~Eckhart Tolle
It is exactly 11 months ago; I carried all my worldly professional belongings, in scruffy cardboard boxes, a back pack and a clear file folder out to the parking in the chilly fuzzy sky weather.
Carting all your possessions out to the cab when your relationship whether professional or otherwise social is on the rocks can be one of the most painful experiences because it is fought with dreams, memories, reflections, hopes and fears that we are not sure how to handle or let go.
Often times we dream, we plan and want to create the life we want to live but our environment does not necessarily allow it to be so.
And sometimes only when things crash and burn– only then can you can truly start over.
A broken marriage, a job loss, a death of a loved one, a bankruptcy, a broken relationship and yes, even a miscarriage, will give you the opportunity to start again.
Positive mental attitude and gratitude will help you to start again and design the life you want.
Somehow, this impromptu occurrence which often not is beyond your control allows you to have more time to reflect on your priorities and values you hold dear. Sometimes one can change locations to suit their lifestyle more or even change careers to be more at peace.
When the life you know crumbles in front of you, you can more meaningfully and thoughtfully chose the life you want to live.
Ask yourself what type of lifestyle you want to have:
• What does your dream lifestyle look like?
• How do you want to make a difference in the world?
• What is important to you and how much time do you want to spend doing that?
• What will you focus your time and attention on? What truly matters to you in life.
For truly speaking, its never too late to start again. And Yes, You can start from scratch when you’ve lost it all.

Faith & circumstances…The Struggle of Steph

faith Faith & circumstances…The Struggle of Steph

James 1:2-4 Consider it all pure joy when you go through various kinds of trials my brothers, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance and perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete; not lacking anything.

Just the other day, she turned 27. Let’s just call her Stephanie. She is one reserved lady; a quality many misunderstand as being aloof and too serious for life. She is loved in her family, a well-spoken of lady in the youth of the church. The youths look up to her, the pastors love her, mostly for her deeds and undivided devotions to the things of God.

“This girl is a powerful woman of God. I admire and love the tenacity with which she serves the Lord and the passion she carries in her ministry, a woman who loves the Lord and can pray until the devil himself smells danger and converges to assign his cohorts mission of opposition.

She is a quiet and often reserved lady mostly minding her business but a force to reckon with as far as the things of God are concerned and her walk of faith.” One pastor Y would say of her.

Steph (as we often shorten her name) I ask, do you think you are a serious person? (Smiles and even much bigger smile)… Maybe I am, may be am not, she speaks after swallowing a gulp. “ I am a first born and my siblings think am too strict but not serious, the youths in my church also think of me as being too serious but this is what I have to say. Am 27 remember, and with age comes with maturity; I would say am mature and enjoy mature conversations with real mature people that has impact.

That is her. Stephanie, single through heartbreak; a Christian lady who loves the Lord with all that she knows. She is not just any ordinary 27 year old single girl and as we beat off the cold July breeze with guzzles of seasoned tea from her place, she tells me her story.

She doesn’t know am blogging this, I bet she will be so mad if she finds out or maybe she will just smile and thank me someday. You just never know who will be read this…

“Carrying the Cross daily and following Jesus every day is costly but a sweet venture, she begins. “Look at me, many a times I don’t understand my life or what to expect. It has been and still is my joy to share the gospel and live out the same and nothing satisfies my life more and gives me fulfillment than seeing young people rising up and living for Jesus. I don’t regret being born again and believing in the saving power of the Calvary’s cross. Truly, understanding the power of the cross is what has given me hope to carry on even in the hardest of times because of the eternal hope all in Christ have.

The first child with many siblings following, I come from a loving but not very well to do family. We dint get to have bread and butter for breakfast save for African cake (smiling again) we call it vugeni/vukakasu in the native language. So when we talk of the finest things life had to offer, that was our finest. One thing though, I have a very loving, God fearing and supportive nuclear family. It is a blessing and one of the reasons I am keeping on even as we share this piece. Being trained in the fear of God, it has never left me and so as you can imagine, am a 27 year old, who was really looking forward to settling with the alleged prince charming before the horrendous heartbreak not long ago.

Stephanie, 27, has walked in Purity and her quest to honor God, herself and future spouse was why he left. She has worked with a team of ladies who served as accountability partners with each other and mentors who have been instrumental in helping her walk the talk which hasn’t been easy either way. Actually, she is currently writing a small book, kind of a memoir on her journey which is underway and hopes it will be helpful to a single Christian lady out there someday.

For her 27 years however, she has never been employed and a payslip is something she is yet to hold and feel. At her age, she has absolutely nothing to show. Most of her age mates are married, with kids to show off, doing well in their jobs, advancing their careers and so forth. She struggles with the life she leads and crushed with her life.

What do I have to show for waiting upon the Lord is her biggest Q. “I tell my heart every day, wait upon the Lord like the psalmist in psalms’ 27 but sometimes I can’t help it.” Stephanie is highly qualified in her field of study, she has gone for interviews and an interesting thing is that on several occasions, something just happened and she was denied that which belonged to her. Most recently, she was elated when one of the interviews was successful.

“I remember calling my mum and telling her finally, it is well.” we had prayed and I felt a sense of relief and mama had to know this. She was excited and the daughter was set to go and begin work.

Why I write is that with all excitement, she didn’t have the job. Why? You may ask if she had all the credentials…The prerequisite for the job blew her off. The how about a retreat for us before we kick start the job kind of scenario if you know what I mean. So my girlfriend is here, broken hearted by the very man he would kill for and help burry a dead body at 3am,her ride to die guy, no job or progress to show for the years she has lived, frustrations of perverse men who see nothing apart from the walls of Babylon in a woman!etc

Sometimes she struggles with lots of whys in life. Like why a well to do man, actually a highly respectable, and on demand surgeon will be so into her but she can’t say yes because of the deep convictions of her faith. He is really good and can change her story, perhaps temporarily in a twinkle of an eye. And comes with an appealing package; Good heart, stable career, nice ride, caring, has time for you and loves you for you, any girls ideal checklist…bam! But he is not the right thing/person for her. He is caring but lacks the most fundamental thing, the faith in God yet she knows beyond doubt that a man who fears the Lord is what she needs.

So she shares this because she aint sure someone can understand her predicament. Her shoes are pricking and sometimes she wonders if this thorn of the flesh is from God. What do you think of yourself when all around you are surrounded by the media that tells of the young rich who made it in life when they were barely 20? And you begin to ask whether it’s you who has limited your thinking inside a match box? And you wonder if there is something wrong with your life and genetic makeup? Or perhaps you are not skilled enough and competent even when your work speaks for itself?

It’s a difficult place to be when you all you have is yourself and your God in this tiny room you call your home that you can barely afford a month’s rent and you have to make a face when you are out meeting others and give the best smile like you are enjoying life in the first lane.

It gets equally harder when there is absolutely no one who cares to encourage and understand your quandary expect for your folks. That you are this aged and sometimes it happens that your mother is forced to go the village chama (table banking group) to ask for a loan to help you pay the rent!

“This kills any possibility of joy but again you realize that am a believer and my joy is established in a much deeper understanding of who Christ is and my eternity in Him, not circumstantial in nature but I rejoice in the Lord, even when my situations says otherwise.”

If there is anything am glad I have, is the Joy of the Lord. Mary chose to sit at the feet of Jesus and the Lord said, you have done good, Whatsoever you receive, it shall not be taken from you…that’s my joy that despite the tempest, His Joy is my strength.

Many ask why I insist on this Lord, why He is not coming fourth to my aid if am truly His child, some are questioning what I did or didn’t do to God, that I need to repent and seek the Lord afresh, some are thinking that I did something unlikely to the old folks and I should go back and get their blessings. Many opinionated ideas have come up but amazingly, my strength is in the Lord, my everlasting portion. I love Him and I have no doubt, of a better tomorrow. All I know is that the deeper you get as far as faith testing is concerned, the higher the manifestation of God’s glory and yes, this momentary suffering cannot compare to the glory that is to come!

In a conclusion, steph says “I may not know how best to deal with this downhill of life…but I covet prayers, I am an ardent believer of heartfelt, fervent prayer availing much.”so help me find strength in God like Jonathan helped David.

 

 

 

 

Hope unstaggering

hope

Hope that beats all odds

What if your healing is in the pain?

What if your blessing is in the rain?

Well, there are days I wake up feeling so low and my spirit downcast,

Sometimes something beyond my comprehension holds me back

And Weakness and sickness takes the centre stage of my life

Sometimes God seems so far yet so near

Sometimes I don’t get it why God lets me reach an end to me,

Where all I wanna do is give up on all things and cry all night

 

Sometimes staring at the balcony past midnight is my fight

Trying to appreciates the beauty of the moonlight

But then I wonder, what if, what if…

 

Sometimes walking on the stormy gale

Picking up wild flowers and grass for my table vase

Sometimes I wonder if God really cares and in those silent moments

A still voice I hear…

Then I realize that even in my deepest woes

In His love my weary spirit rests… so I dare

To lift my head up

And recite in my heart,

The tempest may beat up my mortal body,

But it will never take away my hope in Christ

So I hope, against all hope for my Redeemer Lives

 

 

 

I Sing Hymns Coz I Have to…

hymn-sing“Speaking to one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing and making melody with your heart to the Lord; “Ephesians 5:19

I am not a raised in an Anglican set up but hymns have always been my old time favourite. Not only do I sing them because of the rich message but also because I just have to sing them.

Like the hymn, I know not why God’s wonderous grace

But I know whom i have believeth, and am persuaded that He is able, to keep that which i have committed, unto Him against that day…

I sometimes wake up and feel that I have no will to carry on. Life seems frustrating and difficult with many things not adding up. The zealous faith and belief I have in God is somehow shaken. In my disturbed state, I would pray something like what the father of the boy possessed with impure spirit asked Jesus in Mark 9:24 …Lord help my unbelief. Sometimes my trust is shaken and my heart doesn’t fully seem to trust in the Solid Rock and am not sure what my tomorrow is gonna be like.

At these moments, I sing this hymns and all I am reminded is that He who holds my future will keep that which I have entrusted unto Him till the end of it.

When I am overwhelmed, drained, discouraged and not sure anything makes sense and I just don’t find courage to keep on keeping up, I sing amazing grace

Through many dangers, toils and snares
I have already come;
‘Tis Grace that brought me safe thus far
and Grace will lead me home

The Lord has promised good to me.
His word my hope secures.
He will my shield and portion be,
As long as life endures.

So, it speaks to me, assures me, and gives me courage and boldness to face tomorrow because of Him.

I sing hymns Coz I just have to…When all around my soul gives way, I rest in His unchanging grace.

I will sing Hymns because I have to sing them.

Miss Hudson